We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
