upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
