There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
