It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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