Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
