we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
i now understand why vodka
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
