I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
