K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize