I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
