Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
