At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize