this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
