just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
