I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
