she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Randomize
