Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
