Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
