you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
