Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
