god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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