so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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