He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
