I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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