if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
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