OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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