U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I think I won the penis lottery.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
