I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
