i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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