I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just gargled with NyQuil
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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