Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
