no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
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