He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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