Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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