please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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