i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
