she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
