Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
