dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
