just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
