the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
