I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
