I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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