So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
