Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
