I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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