You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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