i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize