i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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