you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Dear god my vagina.
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