sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
