my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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