Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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