You work out of a Hotel?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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