um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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