If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
