i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It's never too late to be topless.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
