Can i not drive my cunt home
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
