I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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