You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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