dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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