She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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