he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Randomize
