He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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