I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
