ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She told me I should be a condom model.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You are a genius and a whore.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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