Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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