Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
