I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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