The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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